Sara's Snarky Snippets

Here it is Sunday again. Hard to believe Halloween is over. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and then it will be Christmas.

Wow. Christmas is just two corners away.

Let's just focus on the snippets. Christmas can wait a little while longer.

Up first we have an unloved girlfriend who loves her boyfriend that wrote into Margo:

Dear Margo: When I began dating my boyfriend, he would remark occasionally that he would never love again, that he had no heart to give anymore. His ex-girlfriend, whom he was with for four years, did quite the number on him when she dumped him. I was hurt to hear him say those things, and now, nine months later, I realize it might be true. He’s admitted he doesn’t love me, but that he "cares." He’s not very tender, he doesn’t like to kiss, and he has never hugged me (the only exception being when we lie in bed to watch TV, he puts his arm around me). What doesn’t make sense is that while he has admitted to not being in love with me, he can be caring and thoughtful. He claims to be a very emotional person, but I have never seen any evidence of that. He is sweet, a gentleman, brilliant and entrepreneurial, and has taught me a great deal, both intellectually and emotionally. I am stupidly in love with him, but I am desperate for someone to hold me and tell me they love me. I have no idea what to do. I have never felt this way before, but knowing that he doesn’t love me has left me broken. — Downtrodden in Florida

Dear Down: I sympathize with your dilemma. It sounds as though this man has much to recommend him, but he has basically told you he doesn’t have it in him to love again. I suspect he won’t feel this way forever, but for now the situation is no good for you. Perhaps suggest that you two take a break so he can figure out whether he needs you in his life. If you stick around with this arrangement, he will break your heart. — Margo, sensibly

Have you heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? If this guy has told you he will never love again that means he will not let himself love again until he decides he can. Therefore, what he told you is true. Unfortunately, you decided to try it out anyway and threw your heart into the ring. And now you feel "broken" because he doesn't love you.
The best thing to do? Get out of this situation now. Chances are he'll realize what an idiot he is for letting you get away. But if he doesn't, at least you'll realize you're to good for him.

And for crying out loud - you live in FLORIDA! Go out and have some fun! Don't put up with this crap!

Up next the trials and tribulations of Facebooking between family members of different ages, as written into Ask Amy:

Dear Amy: My teenage daughter and her cousins have a 40-year-old aunt who has a Facebook This aunt routinely posts baby pictures of the kids, and frequently comments on their pages, writing on their "walls" and interjecting into their communication with their peers. Not only are the kids embarrassed by the pictures of them their aunt has posted, but they do not like their aunt being a part of their social network via the Internet. While one niece has blocked this aunt and another has refused to "friend" her, my daughter is too intimidated to block her aunt. How should these children respectfully get their aunt to stop checking on them via Facebook, short of blocking her? Talking with her is futile; she already knows her nieces and nephews are offended by her comments and postings, and this has not stopped her. I think the kids should be able to go on Facebook without having to worry about their aunt intervening in their "conversations." What do you think? -- Too Old for Facebook

Dear Too Old: There are plenty of middle-age people capable of navigating on Facebook, but the experience is easier for everyone if the older generation accepts that Facebook "rules" are dictated by people who want to be able to reveal all -- but don't want for anyone else to violate their "privacy." It's tricky. If this aunt wants to play with the kids, she's going to have to suffer the slings and arrows of adolescence, right along with them. They've tried to be respectful, and she has not complied. They should refuse to "friend" -- or block -- her. A block is a wordless wall of virtual bricks. Blocking is not impolite; it's neutral. If the aunt in question wants to find out why she has been blocked, she can ask. While I do feel that all of the teenagers involved here should be able to tolerate a small amount of virtual cheek-pinching, the adult should think about how she would feel if someone posted her baby pictures on the Web without her permission. The young family members might be able to handle this by sending their aunt a friendly, funny video, telling her that they're blocking her from Facebook -- but saying that they look forward to letting her torture them in person over the holidays.

Ahhh Facebook, the social networking site that has led to so many personal issues. Where else can one get fired for venting about your boss; show freshly birthed babies; or share way too much information? While I don't know of any technical rules for Facebook, common sense should be used. I "friend requested" my younger cousins. Some accepted and some didn't. I left it at that. The most I typically do is "like" their statuses and look - but not comment on - their pictures.
If the aunt doesn't understand that posting baby pictures, tagging unflattering pictures and generally making an ass of yourself on your family members "walls" is unacceptable, the other family members should unfriend them. She should then be explained what "look not touch" means.

At the same time, if these kids are big enough to have a Facebook page, they should be big enough to take a grown up pill. If the aunt isn't posting anything terribly negative, maybe they just need to suck it up.

Last we have, could you please say I'm sorry for once from Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 23 years. Not once in all those 23 years have I ever received an apology from her. She spilled mustard on my shirt while she was reaching across a table. It was my fault for not handing her a napkin she was reaching for. While we were playing racquetball she drilled me in the back with the ball and left a huge and painful welt. Again, nothing. She charged $4,000 on a credit card and didn't tell me. She said it was "my fault" -- she was "getting back at me" for spending too much time at work. After talking and counseling, I still received no apology. I'm not perfect, and we have other issues in the marriage, but I am at a loss as to why she won't apologize for anything -- even injuring me in an accident. She spins every argument so she can win. Why won't my wife say "I'm sorry"? -- HARASSED HUSBAND IN IDAHO

DEAR HUSBAND: I strongly suspect it's because she isn't sorry. What she is is angry and has a need to punish you. The safest way to do that for her is through an "accident." More than needing an answer from me, what you need is insight from a licensed psychotherapist to help you understand not only why your wife acts out the way she does -- but also why you would continue to tolerate it for 23 years.

I must agree with Abby here, why on Earth have you put up with such behavior for more than two decades? Chances are she hasn't and won't apologize for anything because it's not expected of her. Perhaps apologizing, in her mind, is equal to being wrong. And maybe in her mind, being wrong is bad. You mention that she "wins" arguments. Are arguments really a win or lose situation? Maybe losing and being wrong are the same thing in her mind.
No matter what's going on her mind, I personally think you need to get yourself some confidence and figure out why you're putting up with this.